Justine Fernandez
Professor Young
Eng 1000
November 4, 2014
Beauty, What is it?
Beautiful In my Eyes
Do
you ever just look at someone or something and think that they or it is so
beautiful? Do you ever wonder why you think something is beautiful? Beauty is
both constructed by society and our ancestors. The way that we think doesn’t
just come from automatically believing something is beautiful but there is a
reason behind it. Beauty being constructed is a good thing.
Overall
beauty being constructed is a good thing. Many people look at beauty being
constructed as a bad thing because it persuades us to look at things
differently when in reality it is still your still voicing your opinion on
things whether society thinks its beautiful or not. For example in the ted talk
with Cameron Russell she walks out on the show in super model clothes and
people perceive her as a perfect human being due to the fact of how she came
out. But what makes her the perfect human being? Because she wears fancy
clothes and that fact that she is skinny and tall? Society shaped us into
believing that beauty is that. That beauty is being skinny, tall and having
nice clothes. This is a positive thing because we have a different view of what
is beautiful. We have a wide range of depth.
In
addition, beauty is being constructed by magazines and models but beauty is
also being constructed by false advertisement. By false advertisement meaning
breast implants, Botox and even in some cases prostatic limbs. While enhancing
yourself with plastic in your body is viewed as a bad thing it can be a good
thing because it brings different ideas and different countries together. For
example in the Ted talk with Aimme Mullins she is viewed as a normal human
being. She is viewed as a regular person until she reveals her story and the
fact that she has prostatic legs that help her function on a daily basis. She constructed
beauty by enhancing what she didn’t have into a thought that no matter who you
are you are beautiful even if you don’t have two functional legs. She
constructed beauty so that the rest of the world can have a pieve of them that
is beautiful as well. That it goes away from what everyone else thinks is
beautiful. It gives a different view on beauty. Beauty has many different
angles.
Therefore,
Beauty is something that we don’t have a choice of weather or not we think is
beautiful. What we think is beautiful is already programmed in within us and
something that we do automatically without even thinking about. Things that our
ancestors thought were beautiful back then we still have the same perception on
it just altered over time. For example In the Ted talk with Denis Dutton he
talks about how beauty is something that we have no control over and that
Charles Darwin created for us. Something that we think comes so simple to us is
really something that we don’t have quite the control over it. We don’t have control on what society thinks
is beautiful because it is created for us by people around us. We ultimately go
with what everyone thinks is beautiful hence trends in fashion and the in and
outs of a social group.
Justine, you've done a good job getting your ideas down. Please use my suggestions to help you develop and clarify your ideas.
ReplyDeleteINTRODUCTION:
--Answer the questions you pose in your introduction. When you pose a question, you must answer it.
--Connect each sentence. How do they relate to one another? One way you can link your sentences together is to ask yourself after you write the sentence: "so what?" "how?" and "what do I mean?" All of the questions may not be appropiate to ask, but try it and see. Doing this will help make your sentences more fluid.
CLARITY:
--What point are you trying to convey in these sentences: "Overall beauty being constructed is a good thing. Many people look at beauty being constructed as a bad thing because it persuades us to look at things differently when in reality it is still your still voicing your opinion on things whether society thinks its beautiful or not." Your wording isn't clear. Please help me understand what you mean...
Overall, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say in paragraph 2 because the ideas are not clear. Please help me understand what you're trying to say by proofreading carefully.
--Add a topic sentence to paragraph 2. What point are you trying to make here?
DEVELOPMENT:
--What do you mean here: "For example in the ted talk with Cameron Russell she walks out on the show in super model clothes and people perceive her as a perfect human being due to the fact of how she came out. But what makes her the perfect human being?" --Pretend your reader has never seen this talk. You must provide specific wording to develop your point. How is she "perfect"? What was she wearing? Why is what she's wearing important to her discussion of beauty? Is she not as beautiful when she changes her clothes? What point was she trying to make about our perception of beauty? Why is perception important in this discussion?
GRAMMAR:
--This is a fragment: "Because she wears fancy clothes and that fact that she is skinny and tall?"
--This is a fragment: "That beauty is being skinny, tall and having nice clothes."
--This is a fragment: "That beauty is being skinny, tall and having nice clothes."
--This is a fragment: "By false advertisement meaning breast implants,
Botox and even in some cases prostatic limbs."
--This is a fragment: "
SPELLING:
--....prostatic legs that help her function on a daily basis.....
--...can have a pieve of them that is beautiful as well.
TRANSITIONS:
This is a great transition: "While enhancing yourself with plastic in your body is viewed as a bad thing it can be a good thing because it brings different ideas and different countries together." --Do more of this throughout your essay to show the relationship between ideas.
COMPREHENSION:
Watch or read the Dennis Dutton Ted Talk again. After you watch it, ask yourself what point is he trying to make. Then once you understand his point, how does it relate to your overall point?
Justine, in order to earn higher than a B- in this course, you must take care to proofread your essay more thoroughly. When you do, you write stellar essays. Please take care to use spell check.
Do my comments make sense? Please respond.