Justine Fernandez
September 26, 2014
Professor Young
Eng 1100
Community as issue first draft
Would
you want to define your education based on the amount of money that you make?
Do you think its fair that students struggle to get an education because the
price of college is unbearable? The problem that many students struggle with in
todays society is money, and more importantly money for school. The price of
tuition for colleges and universities across the state is too expensive to
afford; therefore the price of an education shouldn’t be as high as it is.
The
price of an education shouldn’t be as high as it is because it forces students
to chose a school based on the amount of money the school gives them rather
than the school that fits their expectations and the school that they want to
attend to. For example a student with
really good grades may apply to an ivy league school and then a private school
but she really would like to attend the Ivy league because it has been her
dream college, but due to the amount of tuition she was unable to attend her
dream college and was forced to go to the private school.
In
addition, the price of college may be a
problematic situation for majority of the families in the country. The price of
tuition may force many to chose between school and work. This puts young adults
in a situation that they chose between school and starting their work life
early. For example a student that is the
first born may have to choose between going to work to help support the family
or go to school and spend money on an
education that the family may or may not have. In result the price of tuition
shouldn’t be as high as it is now.
My last and final
reason would be that it makes it harder for individuals that want to further
their education or go back to school for a certain job. To get a job in todays
society you need to have a college career, and it makes it hard for those who
in the older generation want to go back to school to get a higher degree or
just get a degree by itself. The cost of tuition for them woul be so high that
they wouldn’t be able to leave the work field and support without themselves.
This gives the economy a downgrade in the workforce because it forces people to
make a decision between being completely broke and going back for an education
or staying at the job that they are currently in and deal with it. In result
college tuition shouldn’t be as high as it is, for the benefit of young adults
and adults.
In conclusion, the
cost of tuition should be lowered, it should be lowered for the benefit of both
the new generation and the older generation.
If the cost of tuition I lowered everyone would be benefited by the new
change, people would get an education
without being up to their necks in debt and the economy would run smoothly
because everyone would be able to do what the want education wise. If the problem of the price of tuition isn’t
lowered it can force individuals to drop out of school and ultimately not get
an education at all. This would force the future of America to be less educated
and less functional in society due to one little minor adjustment. Tuition should be lowered for the sake of
everyone.
Justine, you are off to a good start. Now, revise your thesis statement to include the solution and "who". Who should fix it? Why? How can it be done?
ReplyDeleteYou say college tuition is too high. Can you provide specifics to back up your point? How might you use RENNS here to substantiate your claims?
Further, you offer solutions in your conclusion. You should develop your solutions BEFORE you end your essay. New information should not be in your conclusion.
Also, where is your mention of Kinloch? While she doesn't particularly talk about the cost of tuition, she does mention what happens in high school with Phillip and Khaleeq. What comparison or inference can you make from her scenario to yours? How could you include her discussion of schools to your analysis of tuition?